April 12, 2012

My Journey Into The Land of Surrogacy

  As some of you may know, and some of you may not, I am on a journey to become a surrogate mother.  My reasons for doing this are so deep, it is very hard to put into words.  I will attempt to put this into words and also tell you about my 3 year journey so far.

   For those of you who do not know me well, let me tell you a bit about myself.  I am an outgoing mom of 3 boys.  My husband, Nick, and I have a great relationship, and he is so very supportive, I couldn't ask for more!  I like to sew, bake, hike and I am also active in my church.  Our boys are wonderful, and are excited about the surrogacy as well.

  I have thought about becoming a surrogate for a long time.  I love being pregnant, and my body handles it well, with few complications.

  In 2009 I decided, with Nicks blessing, to apply to a surrogacy company. After much research, I chose The Center for Surrogate Parenting, (CSP) or Creating Families.  I chose them for several reasons.  They evaluate the Intended Parents and the Surrogates very well.  Both physically and mentally, so there are not many crazys that get through, making it a better experience for all involved.  By going through an agency, I am better protected.  They take care of the lawyer, matchmaking, finances, counseling, etc.  It is my job to help a couple who are unable to have their own child, become a family and CSP takes care of the rest.

   I was matched with my first couple in June of 2011, after 2 years with CSP.  The reason for this wait was Oregon law.  Oregon has some sticky laws regarding surrogacy and a lot of couples do not want to deal with them, so they passed me up in favor of California surrogates.  My first couple initially did pass me up due to the laws and because I was so far away from them.  (They lived in New York)  They were a great couple and had been trying for 10 years to get pregnant.  They decided to come back to me as we really got along and they were not "feeling it" with the other surrogates they met.

   They had 2 embryos frozen and in September of 2011, we transferred both of them in hopes that one would take.  Neither of them stuck, and they were pretty heart broken.  The mom had no more eggs and she would have to use her sisters eggs.
   The sister flew in from Australia for several weeks to start medication for egg retrieval.  On the day they pulled the eggs they were found to be no good.  We were back at square one.  I did not hear from my couple for quite some time, and I was OK with that.  I knew they needed to see where we were going to go from here.  After several weeks they called and explained that they were no longer going to pursue surrogacy.  I was so very sad for them.  I wanted so badly to help them with their family, and I will no longer get the chance.  I also understood how hard this must be for them.  I thanked them for the opportunity to work with them and we still stay in touch.

   Shortly thereafter, I was re-matched with a sweet couple from San Francisco.  I have not yet met them, but I read their profile and they read mine and it sounds like we will get along beautifully.  They have been trying for 5 years to create their family, and her uterus will just not carry a child.  So it will be their child biologically, I am just the oven!

   The mom and I spoke on the phone for an hour and we have a date to meet up, in person, to ask questions, and finalize whether we would like to work together or not.  She was very excited on the phone and said she finally feels like there is a light at the end of the tunnel.  There were tears involved in our conversation, but good tears.

  So the meet date is a week away, and Nick and I are very excited.  They seem sweet and like we have a lot in common.

   I am very open about my surrogacy, and this has at times brought on some negativity from others who do not understand why I would want to do this.  The most common question I am asked is if I am doing surrogacy for money.  This is simply a crazy idea to me, because frankly the money isn't worth it.  I have to time my cycles, inject myself with several hormones, schedule my entire family, pets, work etc. around everything surrogacy related.  I do not mind doing this, just do not mistake my kindness for greed.

   I have actually received a long letter in the mail explaining why I am not a Christian if I become a surrogate, complete with printed paperwork from the internet.  I have had people tell me that what I am doing is wrong and that if they were meant to have kids they would be able to naturally.  The list could go on and on, and I will not get into my retort for these nay sayers.

   I have also gotten very positive feedback from people.  Some love it and ask a lot of questions and are interested in what I am doing. Others are just amazed at the fact I am willing to do this for someone else so selflessly.

   Either way, it is what I chose to do, and I will continue until I can help complete someones family.

I cannot wait to see the look on the face of my couple when they are able to hold their child, that they have tried and waited so long for, for the first time.  That will make it all worth while...  That is why I want to become a surrogate.

  P.S.  This post could seriously go on for a lot longer, I was being kind and posted the readers digest version.  If you have any questions, please feel free to ask!  I am open to giving answers.


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